1.Reconciliation with those whom you’ve abruptly left is critical
This is especially true for TCKs who learn early on that they can use a move to excuse making amends with people.
If the answer to any of these questions below is “yes,” it is important to do the hard work of reconciling.
• Are there people who you or your TCKs were not on good terms with when you left?
• Is there someone who was upset about how your leaving happened?
• Is there anyone that you or your TCKs were relieved to leave because that seems a good excuse to not resolve an issue?
2. Affirmation is still important
You may have left without the time to tell the people who you love that you love them.
Don’t let that keep you from doing so.
• Write a list as a family of all the people you left who were significant in your life.
• Decide how you’ll affirm them.
This could be a letter, pictures drawn for friends by your children, a video call, a text, etc.
3. Farewell needs to be said, even if you’ve already left
Because we live in a very connected world, it can be easy to skip this step because we feel we aren’t really saying “goodbye,” we’ll still “see” them on Facebook.
Yet, we are saying “goodbye” to the place that they held in that season of life and that needs an intentional farewell.
This can happen over a phone call, in a video message, in a letter, etc.
It is particularly important that your children have a chance to do this with their friends.
TCKs get into the habit of cutting off relationships without saying, “goodbye” so it is important to show them the importance of an intentional farewell.
• Who did you not say a proper “goodbye” to?
• Who did your TCKs not say “goodbye” to?
• How will you arrange that in the coming days?
4. Think Destination becomes think about where you are
If you are in your current location because of an evacuation, you likely didn’t spend time planning for your arrival and all of the things you wanted to do upon arrival (and if you did, that was likely all canceled anyway). As difficult as it may be, one of the things that I have seen be the most helpful in this season is gratitude.
What are 5 things that you like about the place where you are?
What are some things that I’m grateful we’ve been able to do/experience in this place?
Coming up with a bucket list can be helpful to get them thinking about and processing that there are new things to look forward to
5. Arriving Well Becomes Critical
Parent / child and spouse relationships need to take priority - It can be easy to put these needs on the back burner during transition, but that is exactly when prioritizing them is most necessary.
Focus on culture-learning in your new environment — this is especially important for teenagers
Write down your self-care and them-care (self care that you model for your kids depending on their needs) tactics
What do your children need from you as parents in this season?
What are the emotional needs of each family member and how can you work as a family to meet them?
Some examples could be stability, playfulness, nurturing, quality time, introverted time.
5. Grief and Loss Will Be Magnified
We need to assume that a block has just been added to the grief tower and act accordingly
Each time something grief-inducing occurs, it stacks like a block on the grief tower.
When those blocks go unprocessed and unresolved they remain on the tower.
In early adulthood, TCKs with a high–stacked grief tower are susceptible to it toppling over and wreaking havoc.
If your family has been negatively impacted by COVID – an evacuation, a difficult quarantine period, an abrupt end to school, etc. you can assume that your child has added a block to their Grief Tower.
If not intentionally unstacked, it will remain there.
Pre-grievers will struggle more intensely and will be prone to numbing
Expect high levels of anxiety, emotions and poor behavior
So, how do you unstack it? Click here to learn more about Processing Sudden Grief and Loss